Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Is this new? Nope!

Is this a new thing? Why are you all of a sudden interested in the UK?

Um.... I'm not.  Isn't it awesome when people who care about you don't notice your interests at all. lol.  Anyhow when did I become fascinated with the Britsh.  Oh I would say at the age of 5 or so when my dad would blare Supertramp from the record player.  My favorite was Blood Well Right! You've got a problem with your schooling, write it out in detail and take it to the higher ups.  Don't sit around complaining.  That was the main jist of the song from what I gathered.

Then there was David Attenborough, who I've watched his documentaries over and over and over again.  He was there on the telly many a night when I couldn't get a cranky baby to sleep.  Oh and not to forget teaching history.  I find the Kings and Queens with their take overs and rules quite fascinating. It's much like a fairy tale that really happened (minus the happy ending).

So really there is nothing new about my love of the old country across the pond.  I've just dug in deeper lately as I'm seeking my own interests for once.  Surely I'm not the only one.

Why I want to be away with the fairies. Maybe?

I'm not sure I should post this.  Do all marriages go through this? My head feels like it's going to explode.  Things keep clicking and it scares me.  How the hell did I get here? What was I thinking? Did I really enjoy doing this for the past 12 years? Was I that lonely that pure servitude seemed like heaven?

I get off the phone with my mum yesterday and she has explained a list of things she has to do for her current husband.  She doesn't enjoy it but it's what needs to be done as she puts it.  Then she says it.  "We don't have anything in common either.  My purpose is to make his life suck a little less."  WHAT!!!! That's all your focus is on? So marriage is nothing more than a life of being an indentured servant?  Indentured servants are suppose to be temporary but she's made it permanent.  Well, she's on her third marriage so not completely permanent but you get the idea.

I don't want to live a life that way.  I've seen love in the movies, I've seen it in my friends and I have no idea what that is.  We watched a movie where he gave his life for his girl (it was a japanise film, don't remember what it was called).  I was so moved by it that I asked, "would you do that for me"? He looked at me like I was crazy.  The few times I have thought about leaving he doesn't get 'upset' as one about to lose their love.  He gets cranky and grumpy as all hell.  Like one about to lose a good servant.

I have dreams of dancing in the rain, or in a club (not an american bar).  Sitting the evening away in a coffee shop sipping on some tea and catching up on the latest science news/discovery.  I want to help people that need help.  I want to help stop world suck.  Like the program the Green brothers have been working on for years.  I don't know what I want to do exactly but I'm tired of playing little miss home on the prairie.  We have nothing in common, there is nothing we enjoy doing together.  We don't like the same food, the same tv programs, the same music, the same video games. outings, activities.  We live in compleat different worlds.

I'm not leaving him, our girl need a father and I have no way to make an income as of yet.  Besides that he's a good guy, it's just hard to be passionate with someone you have no common ground with.

I've been here before and I did get my passion back, other than God's will I have no idea how.  I know part of it is that he shows love differently.  By working hard and supporting his family he 'loves' us.  I'm just not sure where I'm at right now.  I'm tired of walking on egg shells in my own home.  I'm not a very good actress.  I have a ladies retreat this weekend, maybe that will serve up some answers.  Maybe, that's all that I need.  Les femmes sont seules. Bonsoir! A plus tard. Ca va bien.

Monday, October 10, 2016

Love of learning, where do I go now?

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so into learning new things.  I don't know how normal anything I do actually is (and I don't really care). I think part of it comes from not having any interest when I was younger and now I feel like I'm missing that.  I want to accomplish something but I don't even have the smarts to know what that is.  What are the possibilities? The problems that I might be able to help solve?  What can I do?

The last time I went back to college I spent a year, took double course loads (and loved it). Eight years later I'm still paying on the certificate I got and can't use.  My spouse wanted kids so that's what I did instead.

From what I understand the University's across the pond have a spending cap which depends on subject and residency.  That being said from what I've seen you would only pay 3-12K a year.  That is so much more doable compared to our average of $20-40k a year.  Not including living expenses. They are one-year shorter, does that mean that the courses are more packed? I could totally dig that.

I think part of it, is the structure and the challenge.  I want to compleat something of worth.  Besides raising 3 awesome women.  How can I show them what it means to be awesome or what their true potential is when I'm stuck here scrubbing toilets and doing nothing but dreaming.

I'm currently doing free self-study classes from https://lagunita.stanford.edu and dulingo but not totally sure where that will lead.  Trying to straighten the twisting road.



http://www.topuniversities.com/where-to-study/europe/united-kingdom/guide
http://www.topuniversities.com/student-info/student-finance/how-much-does-it-cost-study-uk

Saturday, October 8, 2016

More Dreams, help for humanity.

Ok back to reality for a moment.  At least I hope that's where I'm at. (Warning: this is not about the fairies in the UK) :) I just don't have the energy to make a new page for it and I need it on screen before I forget.

I have wanted to do something worthwhile all my life but I lack the ability to ask good questions.  That leaves me stumbling around in the dark a lot! I love to research and find new complex things but have a very hard time holding on to that information.

So what can I do that's worthwhile and helpful for other people? Maybe helping them grasp things that I missed.  I struggled in school a hell of a lot.  Like all 13 years.  My teachers knew something was wrong with me but could never figure it out.  They thought I was depressed so they kept sending me to the school counselor which never helped because they just tried to make me happy, when I wasn't sad.  I was off with the fairies(oops, there is some fairies  at work).  When I went to college I had a class called "Intro to Study of Disease" which had a huge section on mental disorders.  YaY I finally knew what my problem was.

So knowing my teachers just passed me by, I wonder if there are any other kids that feel that way.  I really want to learn grammar, I want to be able to write, read, and understand what the hell you're talking about.  But nobody has the time to teach me in a way I can learn!  I'm still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do, but I think it's going to start with an app or computer program.

A game that helps learn a multitude of basic concepts and eventually going into more advanced.  So anyone that needs that help can get self / interactive education.  Something anybody can do.  Without the fear or finding and hiring a tutor or having people condescendingly say "I can't hold your hand and walk you through this".  I've seen similar things around but the problem is you have to know what you want to learn.  One step leads to the next and so on for a multitude of subjects in one place.

Well that's my thoughts for now, I'm studying computer science and basic coding, I also got a couple of how to make an app books from the kids library (they don't have any of that information the adult section! WHY!?!?!

Anyhow, I can see the destination, it's kinda foggy but I know where it's at.  The problem remains, the road is dark and full of twists and turns.  I don't know the way but I'll stumble my way through till I can find a light.  Anybody have a light?


Thursday, September 22, 2016

A fairytale place

The UK may as well be a fairytale for the chances I'll ever get to visit.  My significant other refuses to travel outside of the US for reasons of having to make sure vaccines are to a T and the plane will probably be hijacked.

Anyhow off to my fairytale.


So the British isles include Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and England.  The United Kingdom is simply the biggest island.

Weather: From what I have studied the weather is generally wet and cool.  Can you say perfect!  The heat makes me sick so this sounds so dreamy.  Anglophenia makes the comment that there aren't very many AC's because the weather doesn't require one.

School: Ok I have little ones so that makes thing difficult as is.  I homeschool for many reasons but several of those reasons are obscure in England.  No, separation between church and state helps with the shaky morals that are taught here.  School is much more academic based rather than a social click and sporting events.  Studies in later years are focused on desired vocation rather than continued basics.

Social life:   Several customs I've read about like, tipping only for good service.  Punctuality is very important where here people more or less don't care and are very disrespectful.  In general I find (at least in my readings and such) a large group of Americans to in general be much more childish than their counter parts over the pond.

There are also many things that are very odd and can't be explained just by reading or watching videos.  That's part of life I guess.  I think the change and challenge would be fun and worthwhile.