I'm not sure I should post this. Do all marriages go through this? My head feels like it's going to explode. Things keep clicking and it scares me. How the hell did I get here? What was I thinking? Did I really enjoy doing this for the past 12 years? Was I that lonely that pure servitude seemed like heaven?
I get off the phone with my mum yesterday and she has explained a list of things she has to do for her current husband. She doesn't enjoy it but it's what needs to be done as she puts it. Then she says it. "We don't have anything in common either. My purpose is to make his life suck a little less." WHAT!!!! That's all your focus is on? So marriage is nothing more than a life of being an indentured servant? Indentured servants are suppose to be temporary but she's made it permanent. Well, she's on her third marriage so not completely permanent but you get the idea.
I don't want to live a life that way. I've seen love in the movies, I've seen it in my friends and I have no idea what that is. We watched a movie where he gave his life for his girl (it was a japanise film, don't remember what it was called). I was so moved by it that I asked, "would you do that for me"? He looked at me like I was crazy. The few times I have thought about leaving he doesn't get 'upset' as one about to lose their love. He gets cranky and grumpy as all hell. Like one about to lose a good servant.
I have dreams of dancing in the rain, or in a club (not an american bar). Sitting the evening away in a coffee shop sipping on some tea and catching up on the latest science news/discovery. I want to help people that need help. I want to help stop world suck. Like the program the Green brothers have been working on for years. I don't know what I want to do exactly but I'm tired of playing little miss home on the prairie. We have nothing in common, there is nothing we enjoy doing together. We don't like the same food, the same tv programs, the same music, the same video games. outings, activities. We live in compleat different worlds.
I'm not leaving him, our girl need a father and I have no way to make an income as of yet. Besides that he's a good guy, it's just hard to be passionate with someone you have no common ground with.
I've been here before and I did get my passion back, other than God's will I have no idea how. I know part of it is that he shows love differently. By working hard and supporting his family he 'loves' us. I'm just not sure where I'm at right now. I'm tired of walking on egg shells in my own home. I'm not a very good actress. I have a ladies retreat this weekend, maybe that will serve up some answers. Maybe, that's all that I need. Les femmes sont seules. Bonsoir! A plus tard. Ca va bien.
I get off the phone with my mum yesterday and she has explained a list of things she has to do for her current husband. She doesn't enjoy it but it's what needs to be done as she puts it. Then she says it. "We don't have anything in common either. My purpose is to make his life suck a little less." WHAT!!!! That's all your focus is on? So marriage is nothing more than a life of being an indentured servant? Indentured servants are suppose to be temporary but she's made it permanent. Well, she's on her third marriage so not completely permanent but you get the idea.
I don't want to live a life that way. I've seen love in the movies, I've seen it in my friends and I have no idea what that is. We watched a movie where he gave his life for his girl (it was a japanise film, don't remember what it was called). I was so moved by it that I asked, "would you do that for me"? He looked at me like I was crazy. The few times I have thought about leaving he doesn't get 'upset' as one about to lose their love. He gets cranky and grumpy as all hell. Like one about to lose a good servant.
I have dreams of dancing in the rain, or in a club (not an american bar). Sitting the evening away in a coffee shop sipping on some tea and catching up on the latest science news/discovery. I want to help people that need help. I want to help stop world suck. Like the program the Green brothers have been working on for years. I don't know what I want to do exactly but I'm tired of playing little miss home on the prairie. We have nothing in common, there is nothing we enjoy doing together. We don't like the same food, the same tv programs, the same music, the same video games. outings, activities. We live in compleat different worlds.
I'm not leaving him, our girl need a father and I have no way to make an income as of yet. Besides that he's a good guy, it's just hard to be passionate with someone you have no common ground with.
I've been here before and I did get my passion back, other than God's will I have no idea how. I know part of it is that he shows love differently. By working hard and supporting his family he 'loves' us. I'm just not sure where I'm at right now. I'm tired of walking on egg shells in my own home. I'm not a very good actress. I have a ladies retreat this weekend, maybe that will serve up some answers. Maybe, that's all that I need. Les femmes sont seules. Bonsoir! A plus tard. Ca va bien.
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